Actress’ Ditzy Video to Putin Shows Why We’re In Trouble

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AnnaLynne McCord, who starred in the deathless classic 90210, has been drawing a great deal of mockery and ridicule for a video poem she uploaded to Twitter on Thursday, telling Vladimir Putin that if she had been his mother, she would have showered him with so much love that he never would have invaded Ukraine. McCord has been called “self-indulgent” and “narcissistic,” which she undoubtedly is, but no one seems to have noticed the worst aspect of her video: it demonstrates the weakness of the West that no doubt helped Putin to decide that now was the time to order his armies to move.

McCord addresses Putin directly in the video, saying: “Dear President Vladimir Putin: I’m so sorry that I was not your mother. If I was [not “were,” no highfalutin subjunctives for this wise woman of the people] your mother, you would have been so loved. Held in the arms of joyous light.” Torturing her syntax to well beyond the breaking point, she continued: “Never would this story’s plight the world unfurled before our eyes a pure demise of nation sitting peaceful under a night sky.”

All this wouldn’t have happened if only Mama McCord had tickled little Vladdi and made him giggle: “If I was your mother, the world would have been warm. So much laughter and joy, and nothing would harm. I can’t imagine the stain, the soul-stealing pain that the little boy, you, must have seen and believed, and the formulation of thought, quickly taught, that you lived in a cruel, unjust world. Is this why you now decide, No one will get the best of you? Is this why you do not hide, nor away shy from taking back the world? Was it because so early in life, all that strife wracked your little body with fear? If I was your mother, if the world was cold, I’ve have died to make you warm. I’d have died to protect you from the unjust, the violence, the terror, the uncertainty. I would have died to give you life.”

Even with that, the torture wasn’t over. McCord piled on more: “Oh, dear Mr. President Putin, if only I’d been your mother. Perhaps, the torture of unwrit youth would not within your heart imbue ascription to such fealty ‘gainst that world that you thought was so cruel.” What? Beats me. But instead of explaining, McCord continued with her crowning psychoanalysis of the Russian: “Perhaps you would hold dear human life and on this night instead of Mother Russia, you would call me, and I would set your mind quite free with the love that only a mother can give, and only a mother can take away.” Of course! If Putin had had a loving mother (which, of course, he may very well have had), he wouldn’t be so attached to Mother Russia!

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