A Nigerian lawyer has sparked debate online after questioning why some married people remain emotionally attached to their ex-partners, even to the point of raising children for them while living with their spouses.
Choice some people make in marriage
In a post shared on X (formerly Twitter), the legal practitioner, Dammy Esquire, who said he has witnessed several divorces and failed marriages, expressed shock at the choices some people make in marriage.
According to him: “I have seen too many marriages cöllapse because people married who their parents or society chose, instead of who they truly wanted.
“If you’re married but still secretly think about your ex, let me ask you: why didn’t you marry them in the first place? Or are you just waiting for your current marriage to cr@sh so you can run back?
“But here’s the real m@dness, how do you have 3 kids in your husband’s house, and all 3 belong to your ex? Who are you really married to — your husband or your past?”
Public reaction
Dammy’s comments stirred reactions from social media users, with many sharing their thoughts on the state of modern marriages.
Supporting his post, another X user, Samuel Dominic, wrote: “Too many people are legally married but emotionally unavailable, tied to one person yet still living in the shadow of someone else. Marriage isn’t a hiding place from unfinished stories; it’s a conscious decision to choose and re-choose the person beside you every day.”
The conversation did not end there, as Dammy returned with another reminder on what he believes marriage should stand for:
“Marriage isn’t about wearing a ring, it’s about showing up daily with loyalty, presence, and intentional love.”
The bigger question
The debate has left many Nigerians reflecting on their own relationships. Is marriage truly about societal pressure, family approval, or a personal choice of who you really love?
And more importantly, how many couples today are genuinely committed to the person they married, not the ghost of a past relationship?